Smiles and Reflections
by T. Mad Hatter
Summary: Ack. I hate this now. Anyway, this is from Fred's POV about an original character of mine. Bit angsty, but oh well...Read and review, please.


Disclaimer: Yes, well, I wrote this after reading a couple of HP stories and I decided to take a stab. This is about a Fred Weasley, and how he fell in love with "the one" for him, but with a much nicer take (in my mind). Slightly cynical, but please read and review!

She smiled at me. God, I love that smile. It's just one of those smiles. She doesn't use it that much, but when she does, the heavens open up and I don't feel like so much of a vampire anymore.  


Sometimes I think she's smiling just for me. I know she's smiling _at_ me, but I would like to know if she's smiling _for_ me. Never as in love, though. She'd never fall in love with me. We're best friends, so no crossing that line. It's just one of those fucking unwritten rules, and it bugs me. Why in god's name does it bother me? Gee, maybe because I wish it hadn't been...well...unwritten…um...you know what I mean.  


Normally I don't go to pieces like this. I just am not the kind of guy who does that sort of thing. Emotions and I never really got on well. Well, at least not these kind of emotions.  


Usually, if I wanted a girl, I could have her-- just like that. I rule the school with my brother, and whatever I want, I get -– period. Maybe that's why I got tired of that sick game. She told me that stupid saying, and I believed her: "The only things in life that are worth having are the things you've got to work for." Great, really, that's very nice.  


Then again, that would explain a lot, particularly why I'm never happy with what I do. Playing pranks, getting girls, having the best time -- it just wasn't ever much fun because I got it all so easily. Whatever Fred Weasley wanted, Fred Weasley got. Of course, up until a while ago.  


It's hard falling for the girl who is the exact opposite of you. Everything that I am, she's not. I'm popular, she's unpopular; I'm at the top of my game; she's probably at the lowest she's ever been -- we're _nothing_ alike. And that attracts me. Hell, it makes me want to find out more about her. I'm never taken much of an interest in people like that.  


I'm not saying that I'm selfish. The truth is I'm a pretty good person. I just don't think that I'm done good things. That's all.  


When I told George about her, he practically wet himself (I was worried, because I'm the one who has to do the laundry). Sure, he knew who she was. Everyone really knew who she was. However, no one really _knew_ her. To all of my friends, and even me at the time, she was just the weird Irish girl who was really smart, sarcastic, and liked to piss off all of the teachers (particularly Snape). George began to lecture me--after the close encounter with peeing--about how she was wrong for me, I was just trying to get a girl, and why didn't I go out with nice Angelina?  


Don't get me wrong, Angelina is nice. Just not my type. I need a girl that I can work at, and everyone already thinks Angelina is perfect. Perfect=boring. Yeah, like I need anymore boredom in my life, and we all know where the boring personality adds up in the end. Hey! I'm 16! So what if I think about that?! I want some action, too!  


She's not boring, though. In fact, she's anything but boring. She's funny, smart, and God, damn me if I'm wrong, beautiful. Not in the pretty, preppy way beautiful, either. She's got that dark, Greek/Irish look to her that really draws me in. In fact, sometimes during dinner I find myself getting lost in her eyes...up until the point when George hits me on the head and calls me an idiot. Then I just get lost in trying to beat him up.  


Maybe liking her is wrong, but I just can't bring myself to stop. Every fucking time she smiles, I find my heart beating twice the normal rate and my skin itches in a warm, fuzzy way. Sort of like a teddy bear.   


And when she isn't smiling, I'm thinking about her smile. It's not just her smile, either. I just haven't seen her frown yet. Maybe this all sounds like the ramblings of a fool in love, but for some silly reason, it feels like more.  


I feel her hurt; I feel her pain, and all because of that smile. How many other people know about her? At least, what I know. I know her every secret, her every memory; her every weakness. I know what she went through, and it makes me wonder how the hell she can still smile? Especially if she's smiling at me?  


I've never found myself speechless around a girl, but every time I talk to Liz there's a lump in my throat. I wish I could talk to her; wish I could expose the darker Fred Weasley.  


It might even surprise her that Fred Weasley hasn't had an easy life. Might make her cry, which is why I'm holding back. I can't bear to see her cry, especially when it's my fault. She wouldn't cry in front of me, though. Never would she cry in front of me. Wonder why that is.   


Now I'm delving into self-pity. Thinking about how my life turned out and all of my decisions I've made has always gotten me down. Why? Well, because I've made shitty ones. Every time I get close to someone and pour my heart out, something in the back of my mind pulls me back. It's not one of those classic "can't open up" things, because I'm just not into being straightforward and normal. I won't be classified.  


Yet, this life I'm leading is less than satisfactory. I'm smart, "handsome", funny, and interesting, but where will that get me? My depth and opinions have been shunned so that the image of the perfect best friend, the perfect boyfriend, etc. could have been created.   


Even George feels this way sometimes, but he would never admit it. He never liked talking about his feelings to me, not that that ever stopped us. We're so close that I can read his mind, feel what he feels; see what he sees. Maybe it's because we're twins, but I can't say I really care. I never bothered to figure it out.  


She saw through it all, too. She knows the real Fred Weasley, and that intimidates me. I've never been afraid before, and now I'm afraid of a girl. A tough one, but she's still just a girl.  


All right, maybe not just a girl. Not to me, at least. I won't tell her that, though. However, maybe next time she smiles, I'll smile back.


End file.
